i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
