so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
