Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
