it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
