I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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