had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
