This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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