I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize