sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
