She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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