I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
