I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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