C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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