Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
