Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
