can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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