Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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