:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
