Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
