I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is my gift to your gina
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
