ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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