i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
