did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
