i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
