I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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