My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
