her vagine was all disorganized.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Boobs speak an international language.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
