I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
