This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
