Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
