One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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