Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize