If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
