she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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