i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
