4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
