Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
