Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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