I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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