You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize