If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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