Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
