im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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