Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
