Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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