what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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