Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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