I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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