Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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