it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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