The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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