In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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