I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
