Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
