I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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