my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
