Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
