So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up backwards on a recliner
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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