Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize