Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
