chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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