Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
