So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
