oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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