Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
