You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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