Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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