I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can't special order awesome
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
