SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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