Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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