Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
