wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize