and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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