So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
