YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
