Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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