I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
