reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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