I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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