I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
