Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
