apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize