doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize