Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
