i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
