Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
