Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
