I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Two words: nipple clamps
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