I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
