So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we made out on top of his cat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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