Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize