I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
