We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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