do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
