Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
