Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
