i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
