but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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