id be glad to
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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