i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
